The Consumer Product Safety Commission today announced new sweeping changes to the laws that govern the design and manufacturing of bunk beds.
Clayton Richard, spokesman for the CPSC, issued the following press release:
"Over the years we have taken steps to protect the safety of America's children. These steps have included legislation governing bunk ladders, guard rails, and finials. Today we have decided to take dramatic action that will make bunk beds safer than they have ever been. Effective immediately, retailers cannot sell bunk beds to families that have dumb children. Through our extensive research, we have found that 97% of all household accidents involving bunk beds are caused by something done by a dumb ass kid."
The reaction to the new legislation has been mixed. While most retailers are applauding the action taken by the Commission, others are not as excited. Jim Detwiler, owner of Cribs & Things in Jefferson, Utah, expressed displeasure with the new guidelines. "If I can't sell furniture to stupid people, I might as well just close up shop."
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