Monday, October 19, 2009

Breaking News: Shakeup Expected at La-Z-Boy

High Point -

There is a story developing here during the semi-annual High Point Furniture Market which will rock the industry. Although speculation about a change at La-Z-Boy has been rampant over the last several years, it seems that there have been some changes that have intensified the situation.

Amid La-Z-Boy's struggling sales and financial situation, the company has been able to remain afloat and according to some sources the company is actually headed in the right direction. But it seems that is all about to change.

According to industry insiders and evidence obtained exclusively by Furniture Tomorrow, La-Z-Boy is about undergo its most challenging times in decades. We have learned that Spongebob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer have joined forces to push the current management team out the door.
"I've only been in this showroom for two days and it's clear to me that these people have no clue what they're doing", a fuming Spongebob Squarepants told us in confidence. "I live underwater so I know - this is a sinking ship, they're going to run this thing straight down to bottom of the f@%king ocean."
Spongebob offered several solutions to the vast array of problems that the company faces, such as putting Squidward in charge of product development, replacing the salesforce with a group of starfish, and requiring all accounts to pay in the form of Krabby Patty Burgers. "Let's be honest", Spongebob said, "all of those ideas are pretty ridiculous, but this company is so screwed up, we might as well have some fun while it sinks."

Dora the Explorer wasn't so kind to the management team that is assembled here in High Point. "I'm a 6-year old Mexican and my best friend is a monkey, but these guys make me look like Albert friggin' Einstein. This company is so backwards that they think putting this half-retarded sponge thing on a bed will help their sales." Dora outlined her plans to remove the current management team and position herself as the next leader. "Look, no one knows what I carry in this backpack. All I'm saying is that if they keep it up it's going to mess up my royalties. These guys are dumb, but they've got to know that you don't screw with a Puerto Rican girl when it comes to cash. If they try it, I'll cut them."

Officials at La-Z-Boy could not be reached for comment.


  1. Gotta love that Dora...Wish she had been with me when I took an account out for dinner in High Point to the local Thai restaurant. The waiter accidentally handed me the "local" menu and I almost got whiplash when he yanked it out of my hands and handed me the "market special" menu which was twice the price. Viva Las Vegas! At least Vegas is honest that they exist only to take your money.

  2. lA-Z-BOY has been so dead and directionless for so long, it might be considered a slightly more or less dead fossil like FBI. But one thing fossils always seem to be able to do better than anyone else is be continually chuffed and self congratulatory about themselves and their non-accomplishments. The industry also elevates its executives like the autocratic late Pat Norton and good old boy Kincaid to Halls of Fame and godlike status in Furniture Today. Who ever thought that the cranking handle would achieve such fame and longevity?

  3. Great post on furniture..I loved it.