Flexsteel Industries today announced a comprehensive plan to invest in the company's future. CEO Ron Klosterman detailed the plan to a group of investors and senior management officials. "The consumer is changing and we need to be proactive and change with them. Today's customer is using the interwebs to shop for furniture more than ever and we have to be either on or in these webs in order to grow our business." Klosterman revealed plans to expand the company's website and will use search engines to aggressively drive traffic to its network of retail partners. "We were able to negotiate very reasonable rates for online advertising with companies such as Excite, Lycos, Netscape, and Webcrawler", Klosterman said while making air-quotes
with his fingers on every other word.Flexsteel will also equip its salesforce with new devices in order to provide customers with improved service. Flexsteel's youngest sales representative, Chris Burnett, 78, of West Palm Beach, Florida expressed his delight in the company's new initiatives. "I can't wait to put this baby to use", Burnett said as he held the phone upside down next to his face.
In total, Flexsteel plans to spend in excess of $5 million on new technology initiatives. "Let's face it", Klosterman said, "It's not cheap to compete in this digital age and we will not be cheap. And also, we will be deducting the cost of the new cell-phones (again in air-quotes) from the reps' commissions."
This is hilarious - please don't stop. Looking forward to when you parody HP Market Authority and their attendance stats for the Spring Market.
ReplyDeleteI received a list of "registered buyers" that was distributed by the HP Market Authority and was used by sales managers to bludgeon the sales force at the recent HP Market. There is a big difference between buyers who (at no expense) registered prior to market and those who attended (at a huge expense). I personally knew a number of buyers on the list that did not attend. I agree with the other reader that posted and please keep this going!
ReplyDeleteI received that same list..it contained many businesses and designers that are no longer in business.
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