Diary of an Angry Retailer

9:00 a.m. Wednesday May 27, 2009

Dear Diary,

I feel a deep animosity for the general public. Old people, young people, middle aged people, children, men and women all asking stupid questions, rummaging around my store asking for additional discounts like they're at a garage sale. Unfortunately, ever since being a cheap ass became cool, my life has completely gone into the toilet. Just spend money people like you did in 2005 and we'll all be fine. I heard someone on CNN say that the last few years was equivalent to everyone being drunk. Have these people at CNN never been drunk? I know what's more fun- let's all get sober and save money.

I'm going to write CNN and tell them I'd much rather be drunk in 2005 than poor in 2009. Fuck CNN, particularly Anderson Cooper.