BREAKING NEWS: John Bassett Planning Sequel to Book "Factory Man" --- "No More Factory, Man!" Expected on Shelves Early 2015

Restoration Hardware Testing New Catalog Delivery System

Restoration Hardware (NYSE: RSTO) one of the most innovative and fastest growing luxury brands in the home furnishings marketplace announced a new catalog delivery system in response to their recent shipment that arrived at millions of doorsteps, some to consumer dismay.  "We believe our brand stands alone and is redefining this highly fragmented and growing market and we think our printed materials contribute to superior sales growth" said CEO Gary Friedman.  

But Restoration Hardware's thinking on how those materials are delivered is changing.  "We understand some consumers were frustrated when their mailbox was stuffed with a 10 pound package and we intend to adjust our approach to deliver an experience the consumer finds less intrusive"  said Friedman.  "First of all when I hear the word catalog, I cringe" said Friedman, "these are NOT catalogs, these are Source Books." While Restoration Hardware pioneers a new strategy where its catalogs, rather than being distributed several times throughout the year, are distributed just once a year the consumer is having to adjust to the larger shipments that can weight as much as a small child.  "I was furious" said JoAnne Thompson of Chevy Chase, Maryland who notes that while she shops at the store, the heavy package was "just another thing the maid had to take to the trash." 

"The consumer told us we had a problem and our culture is about delivering solutions" said Friedman who announced a partnership with the moving and storage company PODS early Wednesday. "We took the idea of the POD and we revolutionized it" said Friedman.  "When you see that POD pulling up to your home and onto your driveway you'll know our most innovative, revolutionary products are just a step away for you to peruse at your leisure" said Friedman.  Restoration Hardware intends to deliver about a million PODS to consumers in the autumn of 2015 each housing the annual Source Book.  The PODS will remain on a consumers' property until they call Restoration Hardware to remove it.  "This gives the consumer everything I think they are asking for and more time with our Source Books in a way they can easily shop for the most luxurious products in the home furnishings industry.  

If Joanne Thompson's response to the news is any indication, Restoration Hardware may have another winning concept on it's hands, "it was a very trying time for my family and all Restoration Hardware families when the last package arrived. This is an elegant solution to a very difficult social issue me and my friends all faced and I look forward to seeing my first POD." Customers are encouraged to inspect the PODS upon receipt as several factory works have threatened to smuggle themselves to the US with the Source Books. 

Restoration Hardware stock was up 2.3% on the news. 

In Surprise Move, Maricich Endoses Pre-Pre Market

In a surprise move, Bob Maricich, CEO of International Market Centers has announced the creation of a pre-pre market starting in 2015. While dates have yet to be finalized, sources close to Maricich say there's a possibility pre-pre April market could be held prior to the previous year's October market with pre-market held a day or even several hours before the opening of the market.  "We believe the state of North Carolina needs to come to the table with some sort of funding for this innovative idea and what promises to be a vibrant event" said Maricich.  The furniture industry continues to struggle with aligning overwhelming demand with supply which is seen as the driving factor behind the announcement. "A solid week in High Point just isn't enough in today's connected world" commented Maricich who according to reports is also considering a post pre pre-market to bring retailers back into High Point for feedback. The International Market Center initiative is being marketed via social media under it's twitter account with  #supportprepremarket.

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Breaking News: Shakeup Expected at La-Z-Boy

High Point -

There is a story developing here during the semi-annual High Point Furniture Market which will rock the industry. Although speculation about a change at La-Z-Boy has been rampant over the last several years, it seems that there have been some changes that have intensified the situation.

Amid La-Z-Boy's struggling sales and financial situation, the company has been able to remain afloat and according to some sources the company is actually headed in the right direction. But it seems that is all about to change.

According to industry insiders and evidence obtained exclusively by Furniture Tomorrow, La-Z-Boy is about undergo its most challenging times in decades. We have learned that Spongebob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer have joined forces to push the current management team out the door.

"I've only been in this showroom for two days and it's clear to me that these people have no clue what they're doing", a fuming Spongebob Squarepants told us in confidence. "I live underwater so I know - this is a sinking ship, they're going to run this thing straight down to bottom of the f@%king ocean."

Spongebob offered several solutions to the vast array of problems that the company faces, such as putting Squidward in charge of product development, replacing the salesforce with a group of starfish, and requiring all accounts to pay in the form of Krabby Patty Burgers. "Let's be honest", Spongebob said, "all of those ideas are pretty ridiculous, but this company is so screwed up, we might as well have some fun while it sinks."

Dora the Explorer wasn't so kind to the management team that is assembled here in High Point. "I'm a 6-year old Mexican and my best friend is a monkey, but these guys make me look like Albert friggin' Einstein. This company is so backwards that they think putting this half-retarded sponge thing on a bed will help their sales." Dora outlined her plans to remove the current management team and position herself as the next leader. "Look, no one knows what I carry in this backpack. All I'm saying is that if they keep it up it's going to mess up my royalties. These guys are dumb, but they've got to know that you don't screw with a Puerto Rican girl when it comes to cash. If they try it, I'll cut them."

Officials at La-Z-Boy could not be reached for comment.

BREAKING NEWS: Ahmadinejad Endorses High Point Market; Denies Las Vegas Market Exists

Zima Partners With Youth Manufacturers

Zima and several leading youth manufacturers will announce Monday a multi-million dollar cross-branding advertising campaign to spur sluggish sales.

Industry executives studied the behavior of nearly 100 teenagers in North Carolina and surrounding areas and observed behavior after consuming 3, 6 and 9 Zima drinks, respectively.

The studies' findings were overwhelming said a furniture industry executive who spoke on a condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak about the report. "After 6 Zima's, there's a 62% chance our industry sees a sale we would have missed and almost a 98% chance we get a sale after 9 drinks." In one behavioral study, 18 year old Brad Ferguson of High Point, NC ended up in a car trunk after a long night of drinking. Brad found out two weeks after the party his girlfriend, Tanya, was pregnant with twins. "Does it suck?" said Brad, "yeah, it kinda sucks and comes with all these expenses I wasn't prepared for. "

It's those expenses that have both industries excited about their new partnership. "Teen pregnancy is a win-win for both industries" said one beverage executive as the study also showed a sharp rise in alcohol consumption after the male was informed of the pregnancy. As both industries struggle to stimulate consumer demand, they are finding stimulation and a little alcohol is exactly what is needed in today's tough economic times.

Drexel, Thomasville Announce Cash For Clunkers Program

Drexel Heritage and Thomasville have announced a company funded 'cash for clunkers' program to buy back poor performing products. Retailers who have purchased any Drexel or Thomasville product within the last 48 months will be eligible to return or crush any floor samples or stock for a 75% refund. Thomasville store owners should contact their sales representative for further details.

Vegas Market Attendance down 486%....

According to a study sponsored by the High Point Market Authority.